A Kitchen Moment

When I am at home, I'm either at my desk or in the kitchen.  My desk is situated at the front of our apartment, right in front of a bank of windows that looks out onto the street.  It's a lovely place to sit and read, or type away on the computer.  When I'm in the kitchen, however, I am seldom sitting down.  I'm usually cooking a meal, washing dishes, or cleaning up; but some of my most insightful or revelatory thoughts come to me as I'm cleaning up after dinner or cooking breakfast--I call these my kitchen moments.

I was telling my Spiritual Direction group about one of the most recent "kitchen moments" just the other day.  As we went around the room taking time to check in with everybody about what is happening in all of our lives, it became clear that we are all feeling a bit overwhelmed--not just with the amount of work we are all doing (which is A LOT right now as we head into midterms in about a week), but also with the sheer weight of being here.  As I'm mentioned, seminary entails a much larger personal commitment than most other graduate programs, the pressure of which is starting to build (although I hear it's much worse in your second year when you also have to do "field work" 10 hours a week).  Anyway, many of us are feeling this in some way or another, and as a group we were discussing how we are being affected by it, and how we are coping with it.

So, how am I coping with it?  Well, self care is the buzz-word that comes to mind.  We're all supposed to be taking really good care of ourselves so we don't get too stressed out, whether this is getting enough exercise, eating healthily, or taking the time to see a therapist or counselor.  In reality, we often invoke the reason of "self care" when we excuse ourselves from doing something that we just don't want to do.  Why, I wondered at ten o'clock the other night, as I ironed fifteen purificators into nine-fold perfectly symmetrical little squares, did I not plead "self care" when I was asked to be on Altar Guild?!  But I digress.  I guess the point is that we talk a good talk, but it's sometimes easier to keep going, and keep saying 'yes' than it is to stop and reflect on what we really need, and how to provide it for ourselves.  This, I know.

And I haven't really figured out what my own method of self care is, but I have grown into a perspective that helps me keep myself in check when I start to feel overwhelmed with the mounting stresses of student life/family life/personal life.  Thus, the kitchen moment.

Eli and I were standing in the kitchen getting dinner together after a long day, when I looked at him and realized that I don't come home to cook dinner, help the kids with their homework, rock the baby to sleep, and wash dishes with my husband while we chat about our day as some kind of aside to the "real" job of being in seminary.  Rather, I work hard all day (and sometimes all night) attending classes and studying, hiding in the library to squeeze my reading time to the last drop, and working on homework assignments and papers past midnight some nights so that the rest of the time I can really be with my family.  They are my support and my reason for working so hard, and my inspiration when things are difficult.  What it's really all about for me, is them.

After reflecting on this during my Spiritual Direction group, I came home to be greeted with the following message, written in blue chalk on the sidewalk in the front of our apartment: "I love mom."  God works in mysterious ways, His wonders to behold!  Amen.